Comey's leaked FBI memo predicts he and Clinton would: “live in mansion, have 74 children," #M.A.S.H.
—BREAKING—
WASHINGTON D.C. — In a rare instance of leaking under the Clinton Administration, a newly published memo authored by F.B.I. Director James Comey proves that he thought that he and President Hillary Rodham Clinton would: "Live in a mansion in Hawaii, have 74 children, and drive a limo," according to instincts that Comey committed to paper during an epic game of M.A.S.H.
In intelligence circles, "M.A.S.H." is spy slang for "Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House."
According to people who have seen the memo, Comey's ultimate prediction for his occupation is unintelligible: Comey drew a vague, halting and self-referential circle encompassing two seemingly contradictory options:
1) “All-powerful attorney.”
2) “Starbucks barista.”
F.B.I insiders say that Comey attributes the moral ambiguity and physical blurriness of his blundered M.A.S.H. "occupation" answer to his "Misogyny"-colored Crayola crayon.
President Clinton, when reached for comment, did not deny the existence or contents of the memo.
“I mean, there’s no reason for me to doubt that this memo exists, was written by Comey, or that it represents anything other than the numeric truth of this fickle game of M.A.S.H.,” Clinton said.
However, she did take issue with some of the results. “Well, 74 children—that would be something! But hey, at least we’ve got room for them in our seaside mansion!” she joked with her trademark not-at-all-scary grin.
Comey was visibly embarrassed by the leak, but stood by the memo.
“I admire President Clinton greatly. We all do. Obviously, I did not want her to know about the existence of this memo. But now that she does. Well. I guess it’s out there.”
