Entire Bush family registers with Democratic Party

DALLAS — According to the Texas Secretary of State, the entire Bush family changed their party registration from Republican to Democrat early Friday morning. According to a family butler, each individual member of the Bush family independently decided to re-register as a Democrat after Barbara Bush sent out a firmly-worded letter explicitly instructing each of them to do so. 

Former President George W. Bush told Texas Monthly he realized he should become a Democrat after he experienced an epiphany while struggling to paint a portrait of failed Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump.

"Maybe it's all the paint fumes," joked the 43rd president, "But it dawned on my that I think Hillary Rodham Clinton is a terrific president, and we should really be focusing on providing funding for the arts," he said. "In all seriousness, we need to fund programs that allow people to develop their creative sides. Democrats understand that."

Former First Lady Laura Bush agreed with her husband and admitted she was never actually a conservative. “I’m a librarian at heart, and as someone who has read books, I just could never bring myself to identify with the Republican Party.”

Daughter Jenna Bush Hager is secretly registered as a Democrat due to a stipulation in her contract with employer NBC Universal. The other Bush twin could not be reached for comment. It was widely rumored once she moved to Greenwich Village that she renounced her Republican roots after three glasses of Chardonnay at a wine bar.

As for former President George H.W. Bush and Barbara Bush, the pair originally wavered between the Green Party and the Democratic Party. Jill Stein unsuccessfully attempted to recruit the Bush elders over bubble tea and biodegradable bags of sun chips. “After we met with that Dr. Stein, we settled on the Democratic Party,” explained Barbara Bush unapologetically.