Clinton calls white nationalists the "number one terrorist threat to America"

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Earlier today, President Hillary Rodham Clinton signed an executive order recognizing white nationalism as the "number one terrorist threat to America."

The order mandates that all branches of the Ku Klux Klan -- as well as its publishing arm, Breitbart Noise -- dissolve immediately or else face severe penalties under federal law.

President Clinton has asserted that hate speech and related activities are not, in fact, protected under the First Amendment, as has been argued by many Nordicists, anti-Semites, and anti-Catholics throughout American history.

Former confidant of the failed Trump presidential campaign Steve Bannon disagrees sharply. He holds that the executive order discriminates against groups that happen to prefer white Americans. Likening white supremacy to one's sexuality, Bannon insisted: “Racism runs in my blood, in my family, and the family of many of my fellow white men and a large portion of the population of white women. 

The Clinton administration is well prepared to fight Bannon’s class action lawsuit. “Honestly, we have no idea how they’ve been allowed to go on so long,” revealed White House Press Secretary Leslie Jones during today's press briefing. “But that shit’s about to change,” she concluded.