GOP wages war on Sesame Street, calling it the “inner city”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Republican members of Congress proposed legislation Wednesday to cut all funding for the PBS program Sesame Street, saying that it represented the “worst of our inner city nightmares, except with puppets.”

“Oscar the Grouch is obviously homeless; why are people on Sesame Street letting their children talk to him?  This is not the kind of place that values law and order,” noted Senator Mitch McConnell. 

“The whole neighborhood is blighted.  Rosita speaks Spanish so much that I suspect she must be undocumented,” he said, saying he wanted to defund PBS.

“Those yip-yip guys are aliens, too,” noted freshman Senator Todd Young (R-Indiana).  “They’re martians.”

“Abby Cadabby is a witch!” claimed John Cornyn (R-Texas), obviously upset.  “What kind of example does that set as we try to raise good Christian children?”

“Oh, yeah!  She always messes up her magic spells, too!” added Sen. Young, amused about the little pink and purple muppet character.  “She’s always causing trouble,” he said, laughing until he received stern looks from his fellow senators.

“I just can’t see anyone that an average, affluent white boy can identify with.  They don’t even have a gated neighborhood,” added Cornyn, “And Murray Monster, he’s a rapper! He probably votes illegally!”

McConnell seconded this: “Right!  Even the characters with real jobs are questionable.  I mean look at Kermit the Frog- he's clearly French, married to a pushy feminist, and a journalist for goodness’ sake!  No positive role models.”

McConnell insisted that President Hillary Rodham Clinton, "sign this bill defunding Sesame Street and PBS immediately so that we can wipe this negative portrayal of inner city poverty and freakish creatures off of our nation’s television screens.”  

President Clinton stated that she would veto the bill and suggested Republican congressmen revisit the Count, saying they might benefit from remedial arithmetic.