Critics praise Clinton's superb grasp of words' meanings

WASHINGTON D.C. -- On Friday, linguists across America praised President Hillary Rodham Clinton for her famous tendency use words, "correctly in accordance with their defined meanings," calling her uniquely vigorous relationship with the dictionary, "proof that the English language continues to play a vital role in humans' collective search for truth."

In an unusually glowing review, on Monday, New York Times book critic Michiko Kakutani wrote that Clinton's speeches are a heartening reminder that America is "far from the dystopia predicted by George Orwell in 1984, whereby a coercive and totalitarian state systematically undermines language as part of its war on facts, truth, and indeed, freedom of thought."

Republicans, who recently declared they are switching their allegiance from America to Russia in the Cold War, responded angrily to Kakutani's analysis of Clinton's language, saying, "Two Educated Women + Two Sticks = One Fire."

The White House did not respond to requests for comment, but Clinton playfully tweeted, "2 + 2 = 4!"