United Airlines denies its dress code is based on Sharia law

FORT WORTH -- On Tuesday, United Airlines was forced to have a press conference to defend itself from critics who assailed the airline for sexism and body-policing after it refused to allow two girls clad in leggings to board a Minneapolis-bound flight on Sunday.

On Twitter, thousands of people compared United Airlines' dress code to orthodox religious rules, an accusation the airline denied.  

“This dress code has nothing to do with Sharia law or any religious doctrine,” said the spokesperson.  “The travelers who were asked to change their clothes on Sunday were what we call ‘non-revenue’ or ‘buddy-pass’ travelers, meaning they are either airline employees or their family members.  They have to abide by a certain set of sexist rules that do not apply to paying passengers. This is patriarchy. Accept it.”

Asked if paying customers can wear clothing that is somewhat more revealing, she admitted that the rules are different.  “Of course! We have a reasonable dress code for all passengers, men and women, but yes, there is a separate set of rules for buddy-pass travelers and slutty teenage girls, who tempt pilots with their legs.”

When asked if passengers could wear shorter skirts if they paid more, the spokesperson responded, “Now you’re just trying to push my buttons.  Please don’t do that.  Also, there are rules for men, too.  Men can’t wear shorts in First Class.  They can’t wear cyclist shorts anywhere on the plane, not even if they are professional cyclists. Why don't you care about that?”

“We are proud to have one of the most relaxed dress codes in the industry,” she went on, “If it were up to me, we would forbid Crocs, but you are welcome to wear them if you’re seated in Coach.  Pirate outfits are fine as long as they are not too revealing, just as another example.”

At the suggestion that all clothing rules based on religious ideas of modesty, the spokesperson replied, “What am I, a theologian?  I have no idea.  If you’re a person, of any gender, wearing a bikini, or if you’re covered in feces for some reason, you’ll need to change clothes before boarding.”