Clinton keeps coal country promises, coal miners shocked

WASHINGTON D.C. — Expanding on earlier campaign promises, President Hillary Clinton on Thursday afternoon unveiled details for her plan to restore vibrancy and dignity back to the coal-dependent economies of the Appalachian states.

The $51 billion plan was $20 billion more than expected and will focus on infrastructure improvements, new broadband and internet technologies, and tax incentives to lure new businesses, tourists, and coal field conversion projects.

Clinton also noted that these programs are not handouts, but instead an acknowledgement that economies change and that Americans owe coal country a debt “for keeping the lights on” for so many decades.

Reactions in areas affected by the program have been almost entirely positive.  Eli Duggins, a member of a coal mining union in West Virginia, described feeling “shocked” at how “promising things are starting to look." Duggins went on, “We’re finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel—if you’ll pardon a little miner’s pun!”

The measure isn’t without its critics, however, as failed presidential candidate Donald Trump tweeted earlier this morning, “First cigarettes and now coal? What’s next, are you going to take away their meth labs and moonshine too? Sad!”