Clinton looks into Yemen raid, gives it a “hard pass”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Republicans in Congress are railing after news broke late last night that President Clinton has rejected a plan to raid an al Qaeda compound in Yemen. After hours of being briefed by the CIA and NSC, President Clinton called the plan an “ill-conceived, Trump-sized risk.” Though intelligence experts agree that the United States would likely have been humiliated by unnecessary civilian deaths and logistical missteps had the raid been carried out, some Republican leaders consider the decision to be a passive affirmation of terrorism.

Senator Ted Cruz released a press statement this morning, criticizing the president and oddly questioning why the United States continues to allow travel from Yemen. He also sang praises for the villains of the Star Wars franchise, echoing Steve Bannon’s idolization of Darth Vader this past year, stating that the decision reminds him of Empire Strikes Back: “When the rebel terrorists blew up the government’s space ship, the government didn’t run and hide. No, they destroyed more planets to send a resounding message throughout the galaxy.”