Clinton signs executive order making self-portraiture a valid form of voter ID

Washington, D.C. -– In response to a wave of voter ID laws in red states across the country, President Hillary Rodham Clinton has signed a new executive order allowing Americans use self-portraiture as a valid form of voter identification at polling stations. In a press statement released today, Clinton reaffirmed her belief that voter ID laws discriminate on the basis of socioeconomic status and race, often disenfranchising individuals who lack easy access to typical forms of ID.

Now, every American with a piece of paper and pencil can easily identify themselves when they go to cast their ballots. The order specifies that self-portraiture will be considered valid voter identification under these conditions:

• All self-portraits must be drawn or painted with a pencil, paint, food, pen, marker, or Crayola Crayon
• The canvass can be any material, for instance a piece of paper, a scroll, a rock, or even a tissue
• All self-portraits must include a face, and may include a stick-figure body according to the artist's preference
• All self-portraits must be signed at the bottom by the artist, unless the artist insists that this violates her concept

Republicans are not happy about Clinton's executive order, saying it undermines years of disenfranchising likely Democrats with complicated voter regulations that often change without notice. Minority Leader Paul Ryan responded in an interview on Fox News by pointing out that “over 20 confirmed cases of voter fraud occurred in this past election and we need to prevent that from compromising our elections." He omitted that all 20 cases were instances of Trump voters trying to vote twice at the behest of Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Regardless of the Republican reaction, Americans have already begun their self-portraits for the midterm elections in 2018. Tom Potter, a North Carolinian who was forced to cast a provisional ballot in 2016, proudly shared his new self-portrait on Facebook—it shows a stick figure, smiling widely with an American flag in hand.