Donald Trump: "Booty and the Beast should win an Oscar"

MOSCOW -- Failed presidential candidate Donald Trump held a press conference from his hotel balcony on Saturday morning. Speaking to a group of predominantly Russian reporters -- who likely expected a newsworthy announcement -- Trump shared his opinion that Beauty and the Beast deserves to win an Oscar next year.

"I remember the first time I watched Booty and the Beast," shouted Trump to reporters two stories below. "I was showing the movie to my only daughter, the beautiful Ivanka, but boy was I surprised by that booty. The movie is Oscar-worthy. In fact, they should shape the statuettes like Belle."

Trump went on to describe the newly cast protagonist -- Emma Watson as Belle -- in disturbing detail, focusing exclusively on her physical characteristics rather than her acting and singing abilities. While overall lauding the movie, he angrily expressed some disenchantment with the classic Disney princess in at least one regard: "Gaston would never go for flat-chested Belle." 

When asked by a Russian translator whether he disliked the gay character Disney inserted into the musical, Trump responded, "You can blame Crooked Hillary for that one." He then concluded the conference and retreated to his room.