Gynaecologist pronounces Kellyanne Conway's vagina "perfectly healthy," diagnoses Stage 4 cancer "of the soul"

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Washington insiders report that Kellyanne Conway, the ethically flexible D.C. lawyer who once worked for failed presidential candidate Donald Trump, sought medical treatment from a local Planned Parenthood on Friday after experiencing chest and stomach pain while attending CPAC.

Conway, who has found work shining shoes for former Imperial Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan David Duke, feared something might be "profoundly wrong with her lady parts," according to close friend Ivanka Trump.

But after a routine gynaecological exam, Dr. Kicki Searfus issued Conway's vagina a clean bill of health. Dr. Searfus told Conway that her physical discomfort likely stemmed from prolonged exposure to noxious sulphuric fumes, a work-related health condition that often afflicts those who cavort with Satan in the seventh circle of Hell.

Further testing showed Conway has Stage 4 soul cancer. "It's a very advanced case," Searfus said. "I've never seen anything like it in my entire medical career. Though I'm always optimistic about my patients' prognosis, in my heart of hearts, I suspect this case is terminal."