Baby boomers tell millennials, "Thank God we’re not in charge anymore”

ATLANTA – After 2016's November election, when millennial voters made history by electing a woman to the White House, brown people to governorships, Muslims to the Senate, gays to Congress, and a new generation young politicians to state houses, the baby boomer generation reports that it's grateful.

The latest AARP magazine communicated boomers' sense of relief starkly with a cover featuring an old white man and the headline: "Thank God that we're not in charge anymore." 

Across the country, boomers say that they have grown "bored and exhausted" by their generation's 50-year political reign and its hallmarks, "insufferable intolerance” and “generally being dicks to anyone older or younger than us because it’s fun and we can.”

Mike Huckabee, former governor of Arkansas, Republican presidential hopeful and Fox News Certified Douchebag, has admitted that his fear of inadequacy and death and the drove him to dedicate his entire career to sabotaging the country’s future for later generations because he “just didn’t want to die alone.”

"If I can’t have nice things, no one else should,” he told Rachel Maddow during an appearance on MSNBC last night in which he publicly admitted the error of his ways.

“Honestly, it’s not millennials who are the special snowflakes; it’s us,” Huckabee said, noting that his generation is probably the "most privileged and coddled in the history of the country."

“I’m just so fucking tired of ensuring the country’s stagnation and ultimate demise, it’s been such hard work. Thank God we’re not in charge anymore.”