Kellyanne Conway finally begins to love herself again

ALPINE, NJ – After a tumultuous year of spinning the truth as Donald Trump’s campaign manager, disgraced Republican pollster Kellyanne Conway has finally taken some steps on the long road to recovery. Her new memoir,  “Selling My Soul for a Monster: Trumped-Up Trickle-Down Bullshit,” was released Monday and has already broken sales records, becoming a New York Times bestseller overnight.

Conway said she plans to donate the revenue from her book sales to a legal defense fund for racist dogs, her first foray into philanthropy.

Though frustrated by the effect Trump’s loss had on her resume, Conway reveals in her memoir that she is actually grateful for President Hillary Rodham Clinton’s landslide victory: “If Trump had won…what would I have become? I talked his way out of Russian hackings, unreleased tax returns, and sexual assault when he was just a candidate. Imagine what I might’ve said for him as a President.”

In the closing pages, Conway admitted that she is still unable to look at herself in a mirror, now three months after the election.