IRS clarifies Trump is being audited "because he's a huge fraud"

WASHINGTON - The Internal Revenue Service took the unusual step Tuesday of announcing that defeated Presidential candidate Donald J. Trump was not under "routine audit" - as Trump repeatedly claimed during his failed campaign - but because the former reality TV personality is a "huge tax fraud."

In a press release, the IRS clarified that to investigators' knowledge, Trump has not paid "a dime in taxes for 70 years." The IRS apologized that the audit remains ongoing, saying "our team of 209 full-time investigators is so utterly demoralized by Trump's lack of patriotism and sheer greed that we've had to take breaks every six months just to process our disgust."