Tampons no longer taxed as luxury items

WASHINGTON, D.C. – At a pit stop in Washington, D.C., former Vice President and ice cream mogul Joe Biden was ambushed by delighted menstruating women who wanted to thank him for initiating federal legislation abolishing the tax on tampons, which states until recently defined as “luxury items.”

President Hillary Rodham Clinton signed the bill, which requires that states to treat tampons as “fucking necessities” and prohibits sales tax on period products including tampons, pads and diva cups, into law on Monday.

The cheering women told reporters they did not find inserting plastic into their vaginas to inject themselves with dry cotton “luxurious”.

“It’s a miracle to be relieved of some of the financial burden of protecting people’s white upholstery from my blood!” said Julia Klein, 32.

Biden thanked the screaming women and apologized for being late, saying his cross-country ice cream sale trip was delayed by a flat tire on Thursday.