Men realize women are people, not just wives, daughters

ALABAMA – On the eve of President-elect Hillary Clinton's inauguration, men across the country report experiencing drastic shifts in their gender philosophies. In interviews with CNN's Anderson Cooper, many men told the news anchor that the first female president was causing them to draw groundbreaking conclusions about women and personhood.

“I woke up this morning and realized something BIG,” said Doug Benjamin, a man from Minnetonka, MN, told Cooper.

“My wife is actually a person in her own right – who would have guessed?”

It appears that women, often described as “wives” and “daughters,” may be people, too. CNN said Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus refused to comment on the controversial issue of female personhood, but a spokesman for his office said the next time a Republican presidential candidate is accused of sexual assault, Preibus will publicly declaim that he takes the issue of sexual assault seriously as the proud owner of wives and daughters.