North Korea destroys ballistic missile stockpile, terrified by Clinton Administration's sensible foreign policy

SEOUL -- North Korea's enigmatic leader Kim Jong-un has reportedly ordered the destruction of his country's ballistic missile stockpile, according to State Department sources. Korea experts say Jong-un's sole motivation appears to be his "deep and abiding fear of the sensible foreign policy coming out of the White House under President Hillary Rodham Clinton," according to Asia expert Dr. Evan Feigenbaum, Vice Chairman of the Paulson Institute. 

During the election campaign, Clinton indicated she would adopt a tougher stance on North Korea than that taken by White House officials under the Obama Administration. During the debates, Clinton repeatedly criticized her failed opponent Donald J. Trump for his strategy of "enrichment, appeasement and collective self-fuckery."

While North Korea's hatred of the United States has long proved implacable, the dynamics underlying this historically intransigent standoff between two nuclear powers finally appear to have shifted since Clinton took office. Indeed, State Department officials and region specialists like Feigenbaum attribute North Korea's thawing relationship with the United State to Jong-un's conflicted, if personally affectionate view of President Hillary Clinton, whose hair and wardrobe he appears to deeply admire.