Remedial math course transforms Ryan's view of Electoral College, education funding

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Former Speaker of the House Paul Ryan said recently that a remedial math class has drastically changed his views on both the education system and the Electoral College.

After struggling to calculate 10 percent of a bill on being peer-pressured to tip at a restaurant, Ryan decided to enroll in "Principles of Mathematics" at Northern Virginia Community College in Arlington.

One unexpected takeaway from his new math class, Ryan said, is his newfound understanding of the Electoral College: "Did you know that a person’s vote in Texas is worth almost a quarter of a vote in Wyoming. What makes Wyomingites so special?”

Historically, when critics like Nobel-prize winning economist Paul Krugman have criticized Ryan for relying on "fictitious math" to balance his budgets, Ryan simply brushed it off, assuming his "numeric illiteracy" was merely a symptom of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Ryan recently disclosed his ADHD diagnosis to the public after the government shutdown due to his misplacing his Adderall.

Ryan attended Joseph A. Craig High School in Wisconsin, where he allegedly paid his classmates to do his homework for him because he found it too confusing. “I just feel like I slipped through the cracks of our education system,” Ryan said, his voice cracking. “I mean, where were the standards to protect students like me? Why weren’t any lawmakers interested in whether I learned math or not?”

Ryan hopes to finish the course by 2018 so that he can form a better understanding of economics and public policy before his new term.