CIA says male egomaniacs hatched plot to smite feminist history and steal U.S. election at international meeting of Accused Rapists Anonymous

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an explosive, partly redacted report released Thursday, the Central Intelligence Agency claims that Russian President Vladimir Putin, Wikileaks founder Julian Assange and failed Presidential candidate Donald Trump started conspiring to steal the U.S. election from Hillary Clinton after meeting in the lobby of the Hague Hilton during the first meeting of Accused Rapists Anonymous, the premier global support group for powerful men accused of rape and sexual assault. 

The new revelations have plunged Accused Rapists Anonymous into a public relations crisis. In a Reddit thread Tuesday, ARA President Roman Polanski denied the group was a criminal syndicate dedicated to the political, bodily and ideological subjugation of women. 

"The ARA in no way endorses the alleged actions of a few bad apples. Putin, Trump and Assange are just three members. We have thousands, and we don't hate powerful women: We just think all women are asking for it," Polanski told Sean Hannity Tuesday night.

"In Hillary's America, it's too easy for a young intern with vaginal bruising and incriminating emails to accuse a powerful man of sexual assault. But this is beyond the pale," he said.